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The Adventures of Garrosh Hellscream Chapter 2: The "Time Lord"

by KoL

KoL Garrosh is freed from prison by Dr. Who so that Blizzard Entertainment can make more money off of their next WoW expansion.
“God-damn him,” Kairoz muttered to himself irritably “Here I come to break him out while the pandaren guards are asleep like the lazy fucks they are, and Garrosh's snoring is making sure they stay awake all night...” Kairoz had come to break Garrosh free from prison for... some reason which even Kairoz himself wasn't sure of. He felt like he was being commanded to do this by some higher power in a way he couldn't quite explain, and the higher power reminded him of goblins for some reason too – either way, here he was, trying to break Azeroth's paragon of dumbassery out of prison, against his better judgement. Kairoz had hoped it'd have been as simple as just sneaking through to Garrosh's cell while the guards were asleep and using magic to get him out of the cell, but with the guards still very much awake Kairoz would have to use the powers of his dragonflight and bend time to his will in order to free the Horde's ex-Warchief from his bamboo prison. Kairoz focused his power to stop time temporarily around the cell; he knew this spell would be difficult to maintain for long, and he worked quickly to bend the timespace around the cell to get Garrosh free and the both of them quickly to safety shortly after. All without waking him up too, Kairoz thought to himself... Garrosh's stupidity was legendary across all of Azeroth, and the less time Kairoz had to listen to his fuckwit companion speak the better, as far as he was concerned.

Garrosh stirred awake as Kairoz rested to restore his spent power. “...wh-who are you?” Garrosh asked his seemingly elven companion.

“I am Kairoz. I came to break you out of that prison for... some reason.” Kairoz explained

“Hm, then you should hurry up and break me out before the Pandaren find us!” Garrosh yelled.

“I-...I've already broken you free...” Kairoz replied, stunned. Realizing he'd underestimated his companion's retardation, Kairoz was already very much regretting freeing Garrosh from his cell.

“Huh? Oh... hm...” Garrosh muttered stupidly, attempting to make sense of the situation. Kairoz enjoyed the several minutes of silence granted by Garrosh's inability to talk and think at the same time while they lasted. “Then what do we do now?”

“Well we can't stay here or they'll catch us again. I can take us through to other timelines so that we can elude our pursuers.”

“HA!” Garrosh suddenly stood, grinning widely as though he'd just achieved his life dream at that very moment. “Now I know who you are!”

“Wh-wha...?” Kairoz stood as well, a look of utter terror on his face; he knew whatever Garrosh was about to come out with threatened to be idiotic enough to shatter his mind.

“You're Doctor Who!” Garrosh shouted proudly.

“...who...?” Kairoz asked, completely and utterly lost.

“Yes! Who! That's you!” Garrosh answered, that shit-eating grin still plastered across his face. Resisting the overwhelming urge to wind his hand back and slap the grin off Garrosh's face all the way back to Outland, Kairoz gathered himself and began to speak.

“Yes, I'm Doctor Who, whatever,” Kairoz said, causing Garrosh to somehow smile even wider than he already was. “Anyway, the pandaren will be after us soon, and once the Alliance and Horde find out you're free they'll be after us too.”
“Alliance... and Horde...” Garrosh grunted, his earlier smile turning into a hate-filled scowl. “They humiliated me! THEY TOOK MY WORLD FROM ME!!”

“I kno-” Kairoz started, but Garrosh was now bellowing his rage at the skies so loudly Kairoz couldn't even hear himself speak. Now I know why his surname is Hellscream, Kairoz thought to himself as he covered his ears, waiting for what felt like eternity for Garrosh to stop screaming like an idiot and pay attention to his plan. Once Garrosh had run out of breath about five minutes later, Kairoz began talking again.

“Garrosh, if you're done screaming we should get moving.” Kairoz said flatly

“Why?” Garrosh said angrily, sounding more like a petulant child than a former warchief.

“Because your screaming just drew the attention of several hundred pandaren that want you back behind bars,” Kairoz said, pointing to the noisy crowd very slowly running towards them.

“Then we fight them! FOR THE HO-...uh...um...” Garrosh realized that he was no longer part of the Horde, and would have spent several minutes trying to think of a new war cry while the pandaren threw him and Kairoz in jail had Kairoz not grabbed Garrosh's arm and used the last of his power to throw himself and Garrosh into another timeline to escape.

“No! Where did they go!?” Taran Zhu yelled as his Shado-Pan troops continued running towards the spot where Garrosh and Kairoz were before they teleported away. “Curse our chronic obesity!” he added, which was met with mutterings of disapproval from his pandaren companions.

“Uh, Lord Zhu, we have bigger problems,” said the pandaren to Zhu's left, pointing at a massive army of what could only be Mogu troops bearing down upon them. Taran Zhu quickly stood and turned; the Mogu had flanked his Shado-Pan squad and were moving in for the kill. Zhu knew he and his men were horribly outnumbered possibly several thousand times over by the Mogu here; luckily, he knew just how to deal with a situation such as this.

“Hey, you!” Lord Zhu yelled at the Mogu general approaching him from the front. “That guy over there said your mother is a knob-slobbering whore!”

“WHAT!?” the Mogu general yelled angrily, glaring at the offending general flanking the Shado-Pan. The general in question simply glared back, moving to a combat stance with his spear at the ready.

“Yes, and that guy over there said you fight like a little bitch!” Taran Zhu added, pointing at the other general flanking him.
“HOW DARE YOU!! YOU WISH TO CHALLENGE ME!?” the general screamed in rage at his fellow general, brandishing his massive sword.

“Also, your men told me you have a microscopic penis,” Taran Zhu said flatly to round it off.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHGGGHH!!” the general bellowed, swinging back and carving his entire front line into giblets with one huge swing of his sword. The other two generals moved in as well, piling in on both each other and the first general's army, and within mere seconds Taran Zhu and his Shado-Pan squad had been completely forgotten as the thousands upon thousands of Mogu that had threatened them quickly began tearing each other apart in rage.

“How did we ever end up being enslaved by these idiots again?” Taran Zhu asked.

“...I honestly do not know,” his second-in-command answered.

“In any case, we have another idiot to deal with.” Zhu said, beckoning his men to follow him as they walked away from the Mogu army still carving itself into meaty ribbons behind them.