ASSAULT!!
There are those who are feared. And most of the time, they’re scary.
But if you’re these two, you want to know just how they do it.
CHOOSE YOUR FIGHTER
P1> PYRO, THE ADORABLE MERCENARY OF TEAM FORTRESS 2
P2> KENNY MCCORMICK, THE IMMORTAL 4TH GRADER OF SOUTH PARK
He’s DopeLeafeon and I’m Rotom!
And we’ve set up traps and weapons across the arena, but who will win the Assault?
ASSAULT!!
I don’t like backstories. Make it quick, Rotom.
So it all started in 1850 when there was a wealthy man with a buisness and his two sons, Redmond and Blutarch who thought they could expand to the United States and make more moniez but it ended up making him die and Blutarch and Redmond got into a war with a bunch of mercenaries.
...impressive.
The Pyro was once a normal man, until one day, he was hired to do fire stuff and his vision was never the same.
You see, Pyro uses Mann Co. brand goggles, meaning that he sees different things than what actually happens.
What he sees as a candy cane stuffed in a Spy’s mouth, is actually a Spy decapitated from Pyro’s shotgun.
I’d like to be in the lens of a Pyro one day...might make my life a little better.
The Pyro mainly wields the Flame Thrower, which can burn whole buildings down within seconds.
Pyro’s Flare Gun can become a Demoman main for a short time, and can kill a Scout within a single headshot.
But he also has a shotgun...yeah, that’s it. Just a shotgun.
But he also has a fire axe, which can easily decapitate ANYONE!
Not to mention his jetpack, which is mainly used for retreating.
The Pyro has taken out all of the BLU team at once, survived in a battle against a Yeti, and survived a whack from a...giant bread monster?
Yeah, weird.
But Pyro mainly wields a Flame Thrower, meaning he specializes in close-range combat. If someone shoots him from far away, well, good luck.
But overall, Pyro is one mean, lean, not-so-mean mercenary no one ever had the guts to stand up to.
Heavy: I fear no man. But that “thing”...it scares me.
ASSAULT!!
Once there were two parents in the innocent small town of South Park. Then they f*cked. Then they gave birth to a child named Kenny. Who shortly died after, but got revived by Cthulu.
Kenneth “Kenny” McCormick is a half-orc, destined to wield the Stick of Truth, a tool that controls the universe.
Kenny is a yellow-haired kid who wears an orange parka. And he’s known for one thing and one thing only: DYING.
Stan: Oh my god, they killed Kenny!
Kyle: YOU BASTARDS!
He’s been killed too many times to count.
I told Rotom to list in a document every Kenny death in South Park. It took up a page or two. On the smallest size.
I almost died…
Kenny may look like he’s a weakling, but on the inside, he’s a cold-hearted mastermind.
He carries a shotgun, a sniper, and two pistols.
But Kenny’s best shot at fighting is through his alter-egos.
Princess Kenny can fake boobies and take out her enemies with rainbows, unicorns, and anime.
But she also has a beaker of green Taco Bell sauce that allows her to turn into a Nazi Zombie.
Cartman: AGH! It’s Nazi Zombie Princess Kenny!
Kyle: FUCK!
Who can summon Death himself!
But Kenny’s other alter-ego, and probably his best one is Mysterion.
Kenny has been known for having an awesome Batman impression, but Kenny takes it to the extreme with this.
Recruited by the Coon & Friends, Mysterion knows martial arts and the ability to control shadows.
He can lure enemies in and create a fog of darkness with this ability.
Mysterion is a master detective, and can solve any mystery in days.
But Kenny’s a sweetheart, too. He bought his sister a doll with all the money he had.
D’awwww~.
Which brings us to his weakness. He cares about his family a lot, and when given the choice between his family and something else, he’d choose his family.
AND he is just a nine-year-old using his imagination.
But he has some good feats.
He’s survived a meteor from a volcano, and another big meteor.
But he is killable by one thing: Disease.
But it’s not like Pyro can hand out a disease, am I right?
I thought this was about Kenny.
Kenny: M mmph mmmph mmph mmph mmmmmph, m mmph mmmph mmph mph mmmmmph!
ASSAULT!!
Alrighty, both characters have been researched. It’s time to get ready for the fight!
HERE WE GOOOOOOO! Man, I’ve got a lot of translating to do…
ASSAULT!!
A peaceful day in small town South Park. Stan Marsh just got out of his house, and started singing Quiet Little Mountain Town. He’s heading off to Kyle’s house and seeing if they can watch the Terrance and Phillip Movie: Asses of Fire. Then they went to pick up Kenny and Cartman. They all sang in sync, when all of a sudden, a portal opened in the sky. A big garage fell out of it.
“Scout, FAHCK you.” said Spy. Every mercenary pressed F6, except for Scout. “MEDIC! MEDIC! MEDIC!” yelled Heavy. “Nein!” yelled Medic. “Very well!” replied Heavy. The boys continued singing, like it was nothing in a day of South Park. “Mission begins in thirty seconds,” said a woman with a heavy accent. “What was that?” asked Stan. “I don’t know, dude, it just fell out of the sky,” replied Kyle. “I didn’t see nothing, you must have jew-vision,” snickered Cartman. “You’re such a fatass, Cartman,” Kyle rolled his eyes. “How about we just go investigate the garage thing?” asked Kenny. “Good idea, Kenny!” exclaimed Kyle. “What’d he say?” asked Cartman. “He said we should go check it out,” replied Kyle.
Meanwhile, Scout was Yeti-punching, and Heavy was Pootis Pow-ing. “BuIlDiN’ bUiLdIn’, Sentreh, goin’ up!” said Engineer. “Nope.”
“They look straight out of a first-person shooter,” said Stan. “I don’t think this place is stabilized if we keep them here. We have to find a way to get rid of them,” said Kyle. “But how?” asked Cartman. “I think we’re gonna need some help,” said Stan. “Let’s go grab all the kids in town, there’s no way they can handle all of us.”
Just when they were running to grab them, they heard the heavy accent again. “Mission begins in three, two, one, GO!”
“Uh, hold them off! I’ll go grab the dudes!” said Cartman, running away. “Cartman, you fat coward, get back here!” shouted Kyle. “Kyle, we don’t have time for calling Cartman names, we have to ru--” Stan was interrupted by him getting his head blown off. “AHHHHH--” Kyle screamed, but he died too. “AGGGGGGGH! OH MY GOD! THEY KILLED KYLE...AND STAN! YOU BASTARDS!” Kenny let out a war cry, then started decapitating the entire crew, except for one. Pyro. “Uh, mercy?” asked Pyro. “Um, no.” replied Kenny.
Mph mmph mph mph!
MMMPH!
(Theme of Infinite - Sonic Forces)
Kenny spun two pistols in his hand, and started shooting at Pyro. Pyro got out of the way and shot his shotgun. Kenny started running toward him while shooting and punched him in the nuts. “OOF!” Kenny continued shooting while he was vulnerable. Pyro pulled out his Fire Axe and decapitated Kenny. But once he fell down, there was another Kenny behind him. “WHAT?!” Pyro put his hands on his head. “I can’t die, dumbass,” Kenny had spun around and turned into the adorable Princess Kenny. She started shooting rainbows at Pyro, but he blocked them with his Fire Axe. Princess Kenny summoned a unicorn, which ran right into Pyro. By the time Pyro looked up, Princess Kenny was already green and muscular. “Hi Hitler!” said Kenny in his muffled voice. He summoned Death and started shooting rainbows at Pyro. Pyro dodged the rainbows, but at the same time had a duel with Death. Eventually, he slashed through him and he faded away. Then he switched to his Flare Gun and hit Kenny with it. “Oh, verdammt.”
It blew up, but there was yet another Kenny behind. Pyrovision took over, and Pyro saw a baby that was spinning around, and turning into a shadow that threatened his world. Kenny had become Mysterion. “Let’s see how you like dealing with me,” Mysterion smirked. He kicked Pyro until he could kick no more. When he was done, Pyro pulled out his signature Flame Thrower and started burning Mysterion. He disappeared into a cloud of smoke, then appeared somewhere else. “I can’t die. Again.” he used his shadowy fist to lure him in, then did some cool kung-fu stuff. “You think you can beat one who has a relation with Cthulu?” asked Mysterion. “I disagree.”
Mysterion backflipped off of Pyro, and formed an extra-large shadow fist to blow his head off.
Mysterion sees Cartman with backup. He turns back into Kenny, and waits. Clyde looked at the dead bodies. He looked at Kenny, horrified. “Screw you guys, I’m going home,” Clyde walked away.
KO
Children of the likes of Token, Wendy, Butters, and others start walking away, and Cartman gets a little furious.
“OHMIGOD, THEY KILLED PYRO!” Scout screamed. Spy took the cigar out of his mouth. “You, BASTARDS!”
Oh dang! What a badass!
Pyro doesn’t have all that much variety in his arsenal, meanwhile Kenny is overwhelming with his.
Pyro has a Flamethrower capable of burning metal in a few hits, but Kenny has accomplished much more than that.
Pyro’s been the first to attack a giant bread monster (of all things), which wasn’t a good call on his part.
Meanwhile Kenny is the only person who can actually beat Cartman in a fight. Besides Kyle. And Wendy. And maybe Tweek.
My point is that Pyro stood no chance seeing as though Kenny is obviously superior and can’t die.
Looks like Pyro couldn’t Tryro. Deleting that from my memory now.
The winner is Kenny McCormick.
@Eeveechu151
There are those who are feared. And most of the time, they’re scary.
But if you’re these two, you want to know just how they do it.
CHOOSE YOUR FIGHTER
P1> PYRO, THE ADORABLE MERCENARY OF TEAM FORTRESS 2
P2> KENNY MCCORMICK, THE IMMORTAL 4TH GRADER OF SOUTH PARK
He’s DopeLeafeon and I’m Rotom!
And we’ve set up traps and weapons across the arena, but who will win the Assault?
ASSAULT!!
I don’t like backstories. Make it quick, Rotom.
So it all started in 1850 when there was a wealthy man with a buisness and his two sons, Redmond and Blutarch who thought they could expand to the United States and make more moniez but it ended up making him die and Blutarch and Redmond got into a war with a bunch of mercenaries.
...impressive.
The Pyro was once a normal man, until one day, he was hired to do fire stuff and his vision was never the same.
You see, Pyro uses Mann Co. brand goggles, meaning that he sees different things than what actually happens.
What he sees as a candy cane stuffed in a Spy’s mouth, is actually a Spy decapitated from Pyro’s shotgun.
I’d like to be in the lens of a Pyro one day...might make my life a little better.
The Pyro mainly wields the Flame Thrower, which can burn whole buildings down within seconds.
Pyro’s Flare Gun can become a Demoman main for a short time, and can kill a Scout within a single headshot.
But he also has a shotgun...yeah, that’s it. Just a shotgun.
But he also has a fire axe, which can easily decapitate ANYONE!
Not to mention his jetpack, which is mainly used for retreating.
The Pyro has taken out all of the BLU team at once, survived in a battle against a Yeti, and survived a whack from a...giant bread monster?
Yeah, weird.
But Pyro mainly wields a Flame Thrower, meaning he specializes in close-range combat. If someone shoots him from far away, well, good luck.
But overall, Pyro is one mean, lean, not-so-mean mercenary no one ever had the guts to stand up to.
Heavy: I fear no man. But that “thing”...it scares me.
ASSAULT!!
Once there were two parents in the innocent small town of South Park. Then they f*cked. Then they gave birth to a child named Kenny. Who shortly died after, but got revived by Cthulu.
Kenneth “Kenny” McCormick is a half-orc, destined to wield the Stick of Truth, a tool that controls the universe.
Kenny is a yellow-haired kid who wears an orange parka. And he’s known for one thing and one thing only: DYING.
Stan: Oh my god, they killed Kenny!
Kyle: YOU BASTARDS!
He’s been killed too many times to count.
I told Rotom to list in a document every Kenny death in South Park. It took up a page or two. On the smallest size.
I almost died…
Kenny may look like he’s a weakling, but on the inside, he’s a cold-hearted mastermind.
He carries a shotgun, a sniper, and two pistols.
But Kenny’s best shot at fighting is through his alter-egos.
Princess Kenny can fake boobies and take out her enemies with rainbows, unicorns, and anime.
But she also has a beaker of green Taco Bell sauce that allows her to turn into a Nazi Zombie.
Cartman: AGH! It’s Nazi Zombie Princess Kenny!
Kyle: FUCK!
Who can summon Death himself!
But Kenny’s other alter-ego, and probably his best one is Mysterion.
Kenny has been known for having an awesome Batman impression, but Kenny takes it to the extreme with this.
Recruited by the Coon & Friends, Mysterion knows martial arts and the ability to control shadows.
He can lure enemies in and create a fog of darkness with this ability.
Mysterion is a master detective, and can solve any mystery in days.
But Kenny’s a sweetheart, too. He bought his sister a doll with all the money he had.
D’awwww~.
Which brings us to his weakness. He cares about his family a lot, and when given the choice between his family and something else, he’d choose his family.
AND he is just a nine-year-old using his imagination.
But he has some good feats.
He’s survived a meteor from a volcano, and another big meteor.
But he is killable by one thing: Disease.
But it’s not like Pyro can hand out a disease, am I right?
I thought this was about Kenny.
Kenny: M mmph mmmph mmph mmph mmmmmph, m mmph mmmph mmph mph mmmmmph!
ASSAULT!!
Alrighty, both characters have been researched. It’s time to get ready for the fight!
HERE WE GOOOOOOO! Man, I’ve got a lot of translating to do…
ASSAULT!!
A peaceful day in small town South Park. Stan Marsh just got out of his house, and started singing Quiet Little Mountain Town. He’s heading off to Kyle’s house and seeing if they can watch the Terrance and Phillip Movie: Asses of Fire. Then they went to pick up Kenny and Cartman. They all sang in sync, when all of a sudden, a portal opened in the sky. A big garage fell out of it.
“Scout, FAHCK you.” said Spy. Every mercenary pressed F6, except for Scout. “MEDIC! MEDIC! MEDIC!” yelled Heavy. “Nein!” yelled Medic. “Very well!” replied Heavy. The boys continued singing, like it was nothing in a day of South Park. “Mission begins in thirty seconds,” said a woman with a heavy accent. “What was that?” asked Stan. “I don’t know, dude, it just fell out of the sky,” replied Kyle. “I didn’t see nothing, you must have jew-vision,” snickered Cartman. “You’re such a fatass, Cartman,” Kyle rolled his eyes. “How about we just go investigate the garage thing?” asked Kenny. “Good idea, Kenny!” exclaimed Kyle. “What’d he say?” asked Cartman. “He said we should go check it out,” replied Kyle.
Meanwhile, Scout was Yeti-punching, and Heavy was Pootis Pow-ing. “BuIlDiN’ bUiLdIn’, Sentreh, goin’ up!” said Engineer. “Nope.”
“They look straight out of a first-person shooter,” said Stan. “I don’t think this place is stabilized if we keep them here. We have to find a way to get rid of them,” said Kyle. “But how?” asked Cartman. “I think we’re gonna need some help,” said Stan. “Let’s go grab all the kids in town, there’s no way they can handle all of us.”
Just when they were running to grab them, they heard the heavy accent again. “Mission begins in three, two, one, GO!”
“Uh, hold them off! I’ll go grab the dudes!” said Cartman, running away. “Cartman, you fat coward, get back here!” shouted Kyle. “Kyle, we don’t have time for calling Cartman names, we have to ru--” Stan was interrupted by him getting his head blown off. “AHHHHH--” Kyle screamed, but he died too. “AGGGGGGGH! OH MY GOD! THEY KILLED KYLE...AND STAN! YOU BASTARDS!” Kenny let out a war cry, then started decapitating the entire crew, except for one. Pyro. “Uh, mercy?” asked Pyro. “Um, no.” replied Kenny.
Mph mmph mph mph!
MMMPH!
(Theme of Infinite - Sonic Forces)
Kenny spun two pistols in his hand, and started shooting at Pyro. Pyro got out of the way and shot his shotgun. Kenny started running toward him while shooting and punched him in the nuts. “OOF!” Kenny continued shooting while he was vulnerable. Pyro pulled out his Fire Axe and decapitated Kenny. But once he fell down, there was another Kenny behind him. “WHAT?!” Pyro put his hands on his head. “I can’t die, dumbass,” Kenny had spun around and turned into the adorable Princess Kenny. She started shooting rainbows at Pyro, but he blocked them with his Fire Axe. Princess Kenny summoned a unicorn, which ran right into Pyro. By the time Pyro looked up, Princess Kenny was already green and muscular. “Hi Hitler!” said Kenny in his muffled voice. He summoned Death and started shooting rainbows at Pyro. Pyro dodged the rainbows, but at the same time had a duel with Death. Eventually, he slashed through him and he faded away. Then he switched to his Flare Gun and hit Kenny with it. “Oh, verdammt.”
It blew up, but there was yet another Kenny behind. Pyrovision took over, and Pyro saw a baby that was spinning around, and turning into a shadow that threatened his world. Kenny had become Mysterion. “Let’s see how you like dealing with me,” Mysterion smirked. He kicked Pyro until he could kick no more. When he was done, Pyro pulled out his signature Flame Thrower and started burning Mysterion. He disappeared into a cloud of smoke, then appeared somewhere else. “I can’t die. Again.” he used his shadowy fist to lure him in, then did some cool kung-fu stuff. “You think you can beat one who has a relation with Cthulu?” asked Mysterion. “I disagree.”
Mysterion backflipped off of Pyro, and formed an extra-large shadow fist to blow his head off.
Mysterion sees Cartman with backup. He turns back into Kenny, and waits. Clyde looked at the dead bodies. He looked at Kenny, horrified. “Screw you guys, I’m going home,” Clyde walked away.
KO
Children of the likes of Token, Wendy, Butters, and others start walking away, and Cartman gets a little furious.
“OHMIGOD, THEY KILLED PYRO!” Scout screamed. Spy took the cigar out of his mouth. “You, BASTARDS!”
Oh dang! What a badass!
Pyro doesn’t have all that much variety in his arsenal, meanwhile Kenny is overwhelming with his.
Pyro has a Flamethrower capable of burning metal in a few hits, but Kenny has accomplished much more than that.
Pyro’s been the first to attack a giant bread monster (of all things), which wasn’t a good call on his part.
Meanwhile Kenny is the only person who can actually beat Cartman in a fight. Besides Kyle. And Wendy. And maybe Tweek.
My point is that Pyro stood no chance seeing as though Kenny is obviously superior and can’t die.
Looks like Pyro couldn’t Tryro. Deleting that from my memory now.
The winner is Kenny McCormick.
NEXT TIME!
He’s been the sidekick of one of, if not the most successful superhero of all time.
He’s led a team of teenagers into an ongoing battle with a masked force.
He has a mask and a black and yellow cape.
And most importantly…
He’s named after a bird.
“When there’s trouble...you know who to call.”
ROBIN
DECEMBER 15TH
Freeze Tag:He’s been the sidekick of one of, if not the most successful superhero of all time.
He’s led a team of teenagers into an ongoing battle with a masked force.
He has a mask and a black and yellow cape.
And most importantly…
He’s named after a bird.
“When there’s trouble...you know who to call.”
ROBIN
DECEMBER 15TH
@Eeveechu151
