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Progloge

by ThePlayfulFox

ThePlayfulFox
Amber eyes watched its prey move along, huddled together not to be picked off by large predators, like itself. It growled as its blue paws with dangerously sharp claws stalked forward a bit before letting out a booming roar. Its fear tactic worked and it stopped many in their tracks. It saw the armed ones draw their false claws and stand there, waiting to defend the weak ones.

It lunged at them from the cover of the dense forest, its sharp claws outstretched. “An azugriff!” one of the guards cried, “Stay together!”


Mummers of fear rippled through the people as the guards stood in their defence. One was foolish enough to hit its midnight blue back. The sword bounced off without much trouble, for its hide was strong. “You fools!” one of the guards shouted to his companions, “Have you learned nothing, never attack the back!” The azugriff raked one of the guard’s legs. He screamed in pain as blood gushed from the wound. The guard that shouted at the others roared with fury and swung his longsword with all his might and struck the beast in the face.

Blood trickled into the beast’s amber eyes as it roared in pain and shook its feathery mane before retreating back into the forest. After a bit, the guards sheathed their weapons.

The guard with the longsword sighed. “You hit it in the face.” He then turned his attention to the injured guard. “Arlon, are you fit to walk?” The oldest guard with greying hair, dark grey eyes, and stern face looked at Arlon’s leg, trying to judge the wound.

The youthful man, with his bright brown eyes, brown hair, and soft features, nodded as he tried to stand before kneeling down, giving off a hiss of pain. “N-no, Varius.”

Varius looked at the crowd. “Is anyone here a healer!” he called.


One person pushed their way through. “I-I work in the healing arts sir,” the young man with dark brown hair said as he walked forward.

“Can you heal this?”


The young healer glanced at the wound and pulled out a book from his satchel. Flipping through the pages, he looked through it before closing the book with a depressed look. “I-I’m afraid the wound is too deep. I-I can’t do anything about it. I’m so sorry.”

Varius frowned before looking at the people. “Anyone here have a horse that we can borrow?”

Murmurs broke out among the crowd as they talked about it. One person stepped forward. “He protected us. I willingly allow him to use Rosis. Until he is in a safer place.” He brought forward a bay and assisted the guard in placing the injured guard on the horse.

“Back to bringing all of you to Silin. Remember, no wandering away from the group, we can’t protect you if you go out there alone.”

A few members of the group nodded as they fearfully continued their trek to the city filled with safety from the beasts that roamed the forests. The group was tense, staying near the wonderful safety of the guards. When the city of Silin came into view, with its large, impressive walls to protect them from the beasts of the wild the large wooden gates were opened for the group of thirty, ten guards and twenty citizens, as they slowly entered the city.

The group of guards and the lender of the horse brought the poor Arlon into a healer’s hut.

The elderly healer looked over the young man tirelessly. After many hours, she faced Varius. “I’m afraid there is nothing I can do. He’ll have a permanent limp. The azulgriff got him good."

Varius sighed when the diagnostics of Arlon was given. “We lost a good Hunter today,” he muttered as he looked down.

Another guard placed a hand on Varuis’s shoulder. “Hey, he can still assist us, just in a different way. We could use our own healers or we could have someone keep our records.”

Varius nodded as he led the others into the Hunter base of Silin, still upset about Arlon.
RenzFlintrock and Hecotoro like this.
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  1. ThePlayfulFox
    ThePlayfulFox
    @RenzFlintrock Aw, thanks!
    Anyway, I found the sentence that you pointed out and I fixed it... I'll go through it again later to pick out more mistakes.
    Feb 17, 2020
  2. RenzFlintrock
    RenzFlintrock
    Basically what I’m trying to say is, there are some sentences in there that are clearly meant to say one thing, but it doesn’t actually say it, or if it does it’s very clunky.
    If I had to assess your skills as a writer right this moment, I would say that you are a great writer with amazing plots and interesting characters, who you portray well, but at the same time there are small grammatical errors and such that are game changers. Of course, stories can be edited, so it isn’t a huge problem. I’m just trying to show how I think you could improve.
    Feb 17, 2020
    ThePlayfulFox likes this.
  3. ThePlayfulFox
    ThePlayfulFox
    @RenzFlintrock thank you for the criticism. (While I'm not exactly sure what you're saying for the second part...)
    EDIT: Ah, I see it now
    Feb 17, 2020
    RenzFlintrock likes this.
  4. RenzFlintrock
    RenzFlintrock
    I would like that.
    However... it’s critique time.
    The first paragraph still seems off to me. Through the story, mostly towards the middle, there are sentences where you were trying to say one thing and then you shifted, or came back to it, or edited it, but it ended up being different. For example: ‘When the city of Silin came into view, with its large, impressive walls to protect them from the beasts of the wild. The large wooden gates were opened... ect.’ Notice the period.
    While I did see some trouble with the general flow, the story itself is great and I would love to learn more about this world.
    Feb 17, 2020
    ThePlayfulFox likes this.
  5. Hecotoro
    Hecotoro
    Yes update me!
    Feb 17, 2020
    RenzFlintrock and ThePlayfulFox like this.
  6. ThePlayfulFox
    ThePlayfulFox
    Feb 17, 2020
    RenzFlintrock and Hecotoro like this.