Dope: Alright, Rotom, what’s next on the list?
Rotom: Seems we’ve got a few options. For instance, Tyrantrum vs-
*shwarm*
Dope: ...did you hear that?
Gamma: ‘Sup.
Dope: @Mechanist Gamma ??? What are you doing here?!
Gamma: C’mon dude, don’t tell me you forgot. I was one of Pokémon Death Battle’s main hosts way back when.
Penny: Guess who’s here, too?
Rotom: oh no.
Penny: oh yes, c’mere :>
Gamma: Penny, no scything Rotom.
Penny: Aw.
Dope: And you’re here because…?
Gamma: Simple, I want in. And I’ve got a perfect battle in mind. Penny, show ‘em.
Penny: The mind. A powerful thing in any medium. The center of the body that controls everything you do, and makes you who you are. But what is it truly capable of?
Gamma: Two iconic psychics of the Pokémon series seek to tap this potential time and time again. Gardevoir, the Embrace Pokémon, the best friend and protector any trainer would be lucky to have.
Penny: And Gothitelle, the Astral Body Pokémon, capable of the most precise astrology and foresight.
Gamma: I’m Mechanist Gamma, and she’s MechaPenny. And it’s our job to analyze the moves, calculate the feats and determine the outcomes to find out who would win a POKÉMON DEATH BATTLE!
Rotom: ...you stole our thing.
Dope: That works, let’s roll with it!
Gamma: The world of Pokémon is a fairly dangerous place. Pokémon hunt each other in the wilds, organizations prey upon trainers for their own benefit, and titanic battles between Legendary Pokémon can scar and rend the world itself.
Dope: In a world like this, you need a partner you can trust to stick by your side. A true friend that will be with you through thick and thin, and someone who can give you a hug when needed.
Rotom: For the Embrace Pokémon, that spike on its chest seems to make hugs problematic.
Penny: I dunno. RakkuGuy’s Airalin comics indicate it’s a sensitive area for them.
Gamma: So as to not give DeviantArt any more ideas, let’s move on from that topic.
(Battle! Trainer - Pokémon X and Pokémon Y)
Dope: As a Psychic/Fairy-Type, Gardevoir is resistant to any Fighting-Type and Psychic-Type attacks, and can completely nullify Dragon-Type offenses! Synchronize, one of its two abilities, allows it to pass on status ailments they themselves are inflicted with to an opponent, while Trace can copy a foe’s ability. It’s hidden ability, Telepathy, allows them to read minds and anticipate incoming attacks.
Penny: Gardevoir also has a fairly beefy Special Attack stat, with Special Defense and Speed not being too far behind. The stats pale in comparison to it’s natural powers, though. According to the Pokédex, all Gardevoir possess at least light precognition, being capable of seeing glimpses of the future. They are also capable of using their psychic powers to warp space, distorting dimensions and even creating BLACK HOLES. Which, by the way, don’t affect them. Gardevoir are capable of freeing themselves from any gravitational pull when needed.
Rotom: BLACK HOLES?! BUHJESUS! Pokédex, are you SURE about that? How would the planet still be intact in time for that entry to get recorded?!
Penny: The solution is relatively simple, actually. As Gardevoir have strong enough psychic powers to withstand their own gravitational pull, it’s possible they use psychokinesis to simply remove the mass that feeds the black hole, causing it to collapse in on itself. If there’s not enough mass within the black hole to sustain it, it’ll simply collapse - that’s the reason scientists here on Earth are making miniature black holes even now.
Dope: Excuse me while I prepare my emergency bunker.
Penny: That isn’t gonna stop a black hole y’know
Gamma: Gardevoir has a wide variety of status moves it can use to turn the tide of battle. Misty Terrain prevents any and all non-volatile status conditions from taking effect, Confusion included. Speaking of, Confusion has a chance of inflicting Confusion-
Rotom: What
Gamma: Confusion the move and Confusion the status effect. Teleport allows Gardevoir to, well, teleport, Wish is a move that takes two turns to heal a large amount of damage, Calm Mind sharply raises Special Attack and Special Defense through concentration, Hypnosis puts the foe to sleep, Charm sharply lowers the foe's Attack and Lucky Chant prevents critical hits from taking effect. One of its strongest techniques, however, is Imprison, which stops the opponent from using any moves shared with the user. Through breeding, it can also learn Disable, which shuts down one of the opponent’s moves for a certain amount of time.
Penny: Just to clarify for those new to the series, in calculating the victor for this show, we go with the natural Pokémon at their maximum potential. This means no TMs, Move Tutor moves, Mega Evolutions or Held Items the Pokémon can’t naturally have. Moves learned through breeding ARE allowed, however, as breeding is something that naturally happens in the Pokémon world.
Dope: The status moves are only half of Gardevoir’s arsenal! Disarming Voice and Magical Leaf are both powerful attacks guaranteed to hit, Draining Kiss steals the enemy’s life force to heal the user, and Psychic is a powerful psychokinetic attack with a chance of lowering the foe’s Special Defense. When Gardevoir decides to weaponize its foresight, however, that unleashes the powerful Future Sight, an attack that paints a full picture of what the opponent will do next and blasts them with energy after a certain time.
Gamma: Dream Eater consumes the dreams of a sleeping Pokémon, turning it into health. Stored Power is a massive blast that uses the status buffs of the Pokémon as fuel to boost its offense. And then there’s the all-powerful Moonblast, the ultimate fairy-type attack that also has a high chance of lowering Special Attack. Through breeding, it’s also capable of learning the priority move Shadow Sneak that assaults the foe from the shadows, and Synchronize-
Rotom: It learns its own ability??
Gamma: Synchronize the move and Synchronize the ability. Synchronize the move deals incredible damage to all Pokémon of the same type.
Penny: In Pokémon Mystery Dungeon, Gardevoir is capable of learning a variety of skills, such as PP Saver, Self-Curer, Gap Prober, Sharpshooter, Hit-and-Runner, Multitalent, All-Terrain Hiker, Stair Sensor and No-Charger. In Pokémon Ranger, it’s capable of splitting itself into two identical clones, as well as launching balls of energy able to temporarily paralyse the opponent. Temporarily meaning a few seconds.
Rotom: In the Pokémon Anime, Diantha’s Gardevoir was fast enough to effortlessly dodge attacks from an Absol and deal with it in a single hit. It can also keep up with Ash’s Greninja, who is capable of moving faster than eyesight. This means Gardevoir is capable of reacting at speeds of over thirty-eight thousand miles per hour! ...wait, do we have more on Gardevoir in the anime? I thought there’d be more.
Penny: Thanks to doctorgecko on Reddit, we do! An indirect hit from Moonblast was enough to send Greninja flying into a tree by the shockwave alone. Sadly, Gardevoir got very little showing in the anime compared to Mega Gardevoir, who we can’t cover here.
Gamma: Only a short look into the r/respectthreads that doctorgecko has made and I already hold respect for the guy.
Dope: If there’s any Pokémon to respect, I’d say the one capable of making black holes to protect you is a pretty good choice. No, I’m not dropping that.
Gardevoir: You must clear the path to your own future!
Dope: Imagine a world where dreams come to life. A world where all Pokémon can live in peace and harmony. They called this place: PokéPark.
Rotom: Ugh. I HATE this place. You win the game by making friends! That’s so dumb!
Gamma: Hey, I did a playthrough of this game once!
Dope: S H U S H! I’m doing my bio. Anyway, once there was a Pikachu, the same Pikachu who befriended the Mythical Pokémon Mew, wanted to visit a fabled wonderland called Wish Park.
Gamma: But Wish Park wasn’t what it seemed, and Pikachu, along with his friend Piplup, almost died. Hell, Piplup got left behind in their escape!
Dope: But what caused them to suddenly become afraid of it? A ton of shady Pokémon. One which was the loyal servant of Darkrai, Gothitelle.
(Battle! Rare Wild Pokémon - Pokémon Black and Pokémon White)
Rotom: Man, she really puts the black and white into the names of these games. Just look at her!
Dope: It’s actually black and purple.
Gamma: And they have a 25% chance of being male.
Rotom: Whatever. Can we get to the moves?
Dope: Sure. Tickle lowers the opponent’s Attack and Defense, Play Nice and Charm lowers their Attack, Fake Tears lowers their Special Defense, Embargo and Magic Room to keep the opponent from using a held item, Flatter to confuse them but raise their Special Attack, Heal Block to stop them from healing, and Telekinesis to make the target easier to hit.
Rotom: And after that, they can use physical attacks like Pound, Double Slap, and Feint Attack, but she specializes in Psychic-Type attacks.
Gamma: These attacks are Confusion, Psybeam, Psyshock, Future Sight, which does damage for the future, and Psychic.
Rotom: ...that’s it? She’s a Psychic-Type and she doesn’t even use offensive moves that much?
Dope: Well, that’s because Gothitelle isn’t a very Attack-savvy Pokémon. Its Attack stat is only 55.
Rotom: A goth Pokémon that isn’t offensive?! What sorcery is this?!
(Driftveil City - Pokémon Black and Pokémon White)
Gamma: But what she lacks in that category she makes up for in every other. She can predict the future from the patterns of the stars, and she can predict the lifespan of humans. She ends up crying after that, however.
Rotom: Can’t let that makeup run.
Dope: And some Gothitelle carry a Persim Berry around, allowing her to recover from confusion at any time.
Gamma: Gothitelle’s psychic powers are out of this world. When she gets mad, she can just...send people back to the past, or trap them in her memories. It’s like entering a black hole!
Penny: According to The Lost World of Gothitelle!, Gothitelle sent Ash, Iris, and Cilan back to when Skyarrow Bridge was still under construction. Skyarrow Bridge is similar to the Brooklyn Bridge, which fits since Castelia City (what the Skyarrow Bridge leads to) is based off of New York. It took 14 years to build the Brooklyn Bridge, and by the looks of the episode, the Skyarrow Bridge was about halfway done, which means Gothitelle is confirmed to be able to send people at least 7 years into the past.
Rotom: Damn! I wish I could do that!
Dope: In that same episode, it beat Ash in a battle. Though that isn’t a huge feat, since Ash’s Unova team was his weakest.
Gamma: Though it defeated Ash’s Snivy, which defeated Gothitelle’s pre-evolution, Gothita, but again, that isn’t a huge feat, since Snivy has lost many other battles.
Rotom: Mostly for being a cocky bastard. I hate Ash’s Snivy.
Dope: And, Gothitelle has a few weaknesses. Like all Psychic-Type Pokémon, she’s weak to Bug-, Ghost-, and Dark-Type attacks. And like all goths, she’s very weak to mental breakdowns. And she was also beaten by a Pikachu. A Pikachu that beat Zekrom and Reshiram, but a Pikachu nonetheless. And maybe an Oshawott, a Tepig, and a Snivy.
Rotom: But don’t worry. Gothitelle is definitely a diamond in the rough of goths.
Pokédex: It can see the future from the movement of the stars. When it learns its Trainer's life span, it cries in sadness.
Dope: Alright, the combatants are set.
Gamma: We’ve set the stage, completed the analysis and run the data through all possibilities!
Rotom: IT’S TIME FOR A DEATH BATTLEEEEEEEEE!
Penny: ...do you scream like that all the time?
A quiet day in Lumiose City. Trainers were having some battles in the streets, Pokémon were exploring and scavenging, and people were socializing and eating. One such trainer, Ruby, was walking through town with a Gardevoir happily trailing behind it.
Penny: Side-note - Ruby’s appearance here DOES NOT affect the battle! Gardevoir is still being treated as a wild Pokémon here, the trainer is only there for the sake of the narrative.
As the pair walked, the Gardevoir happily whistling, they passed by a Gothitelle.
“That trainer will be put into mortal peril in seven months.”
Upon hearing those words, Gardevoir and Ruby suddenly whirled around. “What?” Gardevoir blinked, her psychic powers allowing Ruby to hear her.
Gothitelle, however, kept walking.
Until a sign post blocked her path. “EXPLAIN.”
“It is as I foretold.” Gothitelle replied in a deadpan tone. “Seven months, and your precious trainer will be put in harm’s way. A crisis from another world will catch him in the middle. If none act… he WILL die.”
Gardevoir narrowed its eyes. “That’s not going to happen.”
“Is that so?”
Suddenly, Gardevoir was sent into the air with a Psybeam, flying across the street.
“Then let’s test your will against the will of fate.” Gothitelle said, floating into the air as Gardevoir regained her balance.
Rotom: Been a while since we’ve done this!
FIGHT!
(Magikarp Festival - Pokkén Tournament)
Gothitelle used Mean Look to keep Gardevoir from fleeing. “Your fate has been sealed.”
Gardevoir used Shadow Sneak, which launched Gothitelle back. “I wouldn’t get so cocky.”
Gothitelle got up. “You little…!” Her eyes sparkled, using Future Sight. Then she rushed up to Gardevoir and used Double Slap, which Gardevoir barely dodged. She then followed up with a Shadow Ball, but Gothitelle used Mirror Coat in the nick of time, causing Gardevoir herself to get hit, knocking her into a wall. She got up, but there seemed to be...particles of energy? They all rushed at Gardevoir, and she was hit by all of them. That was the Future Sight taking its course.
Then Gothitelle used Psyshock, which hit Gardevoir. But Gardevoir was still standing. She used Wish and Calm Mind, which should get her back on top. In the meantime, Gothitelle used Psybeam again. But this time, Gardevoir wasn’t knocked back at all. She tanked it.
Gardevoir was healed. “And now we’re back to square one,” she said.
Gothitelle was angry now. She used Telekinesis, locking Gardevoir in place. “You’re right where I want you.” She smirked. She used Psyshock immediately, and now Gardevoir was enduring a ton of pain.
But then she used Wish again.
“You’re wasting your time!” Said Gothitelle, using Psybeam again.
Gardevoir dodged this time, using Imprison. Then, she used Magical Leaf.
Gothitelle was going to use Psybeam again, but it didn’t work. Then she realized, the Imprison was set up. “Ugh...you…!” She tried some other moves, but they were all useless. “I’ve had enough of you!” Cue dolly zoom.
And then, there was nothing but black.
Gardevoir was trapped in Gothitelle’s mind. “You are in my mind. Surrender now, or you will face a fate worse than total annihilation. When will you pitiful mortals learn...there’s no point in fighting a battle when you can just win immediately.”
But Gardevoir was doing...something. She had her eyes closed, and her hands were pressed together.
“What are you doing?”
Gardevoir’s eyes opened, and they were glowing pink.
Then they were back in Lumiose.
Gothitelle stepped back. “I-impossible! How?!” Gardevoir stared at Gothitelle dead in the eyes.
“Lesson learned.”
Suddenly, the very fabrication of matter started to bend, and eventually tore a hole in it. Gardevoir used Psychic, and forced her into the black hole.
“No...no...NOOOOO!” She yelled as she went tumbling into the room of darkness.
The black hole shut.
“My trainer is going nowhere.”
(Void Termina (Wing Phase) - Kirby Star Allies)
Rotom: GG! ...get it? Because both their names start with G?
Gamma: Ugh. If you ask me, getting sucked into a black hole IS a fate worse than total annihilation.
Dope: At least you turn into spaghetti. That’s something, right?
Gamma: Gothitelle was...well, an opponent worth fighting at best, total cannon fodder at worst.
Dope: Though Gothitelle was pounding Gardevoir into the ground at times, Gardevoir is just a MUCH more powerful Pokémon overall. She has more variety in her moveset, she has the better typing, so on and so forth.
Penny: Gardevoir had the edge in just about every category! Superior speed meant she could stay out of Gothitelle’s way more often than not, superior special attack meant her attacks hit harder, and superior special defense meant she could take the hits better. Gothitelle BARELY had better defense and HP, but in a battle like this, that didn’t matter much.
Gamma: Imprison in particular sealed the deal. Gardevoir and Gothitelle share a LOT of moves, so Gardevoir having Imprison meant she could shut down all of Gothitelle’s strongest techniques. What’s a Psychic-type without Psychic?
Rotom: But hold up. What about her sending Ash and friends to the past?
Penny: That was… kinda misleading of me, honestly. Gothitelle never SENT Ash and co. to the past. What actually happened was that Gothitelle created a large illusion, as demonstrated by her friend, now grown up, being able to reunite with her from within the dream.
Rotom: Gothitelle’s becoming more and more underwhelming the more you talk about her.
Dope: Black holes alone are much more powerful than anything Gothitelle can do, with how little we know about them and how destructive they can be.
Rotom: Gardevoir could’ve whipped one out anytime she wanted!
Dope: In a way, Gardevoir’s popularity helped her out in this fight. She’s appeared in more games, giving her more abilities and more things to work with.
Gamma: We can all agree this battle had a clear victor.
Rotom: Gothitelle couldn’t em-BRACE herself.
Dope: The winner is Gardevoir.
NEXT TIME ON DEATH BATTLE!
(The Calm - Team Fortress 2)
Gallade and his trainer, Diamond, were walking by what seemed to be an abandoned street. A piece of paper drifted by. Curious by what it would be in a town devoid of life, he picked it up.
WANTED
BISHARP
REWARD: ₽50000
Well, this town was old. Who knew how old that thing was? They definitely got caught by now.
Or maybe, it’s what caused everyone to leave.
Suddenly, Diamond disappeared, and a small whoosh was heard. Gallade turned around, but nothing was there. He turned around again, and there was a Bisharp, and a horde of Pawniard right behind it.
Gallade’s arms turned to blades, and the same went for Bisharp.
A deadweed drifted by. Both combatants were tense, waiting for one to make a move.
En garde.
Rotom: Seems we’ve got a few options. For instance, Tyrantrum vs-
*shwarm*
Dope: ...did you hear that?
Gamma: ‘Sup.
Dope: @Mechanist Gamma ??? What are you doing here?!
Gamma: C’mon dude, don’t tell me you forgot. I was one of Pokémon Death Battle’s main hosts way back when.
Penny: Guess who’s here, too?
Rotom: oh no.
Penny: oh yes, c’mere :>
Gamma: Penny, no scything Rotom.
Penny: Aw.
Dope: And you’re here because…?
Gamma: Simple, I want in. And I’ve got a perfect battle in mind. Penny, show ‘em.
Penny: The mind. A powerful thing in any medium. The center of the body that controls everything you do, and makes you who you are. But what is it truly capable of?
Gamma: Two iconic psychics of the Pokémon series seek to tap this potential time and time again. Gardevoir, the Embrace Pokémon, the best friend and protector any trainer would be lucky to have.
Penny: And Gothitelle, the Astral Body Pokémon, capable of the most precise astrology and foresight.
Gamma: I’m Mechanist Gamma, and she’s MechaPenny. And it’s our job to analyze the moves, calculate the feats and determine the outcomes to find out who would win a POKÉMON DEATH BATTLE!
Rotom: ...you stole our thing.
Dope: That works, let’s roll with it!
Gamma: The world of Pokémon is a fairly dangerous place. Pokémon hunt each other in the wilds, organizations prey upon trainers for their own benefit, and titanic battles between Legendary Pokémon can scar and rend the world itself.
Dope: In a world like this, you need a partner you can trust to stick by your side. A true friend that will be with you through thick and thin, and someone who can give you a hug when needed.
Rotom: For the Embrace Pokémon, that spike on its chest seems to make hugs problematic.
Penny: I dunno. RakkuGuy’s Airalin comics indicate it’s a sensitive area for them.
Gamma: So as to not give DeviantArt any more ideas, let’s move on from that topic.
(Battle! Trainer - Pokémon X and Pokémon Y)
Dope: As a Psychic/Fairy-Type, Gardevoir is resistant to any Fighting-Type and Psychic-Type attacks, and can completely nullify Dragon-Type offenses! Synchronize, one of its two abilities, allows it to pass on status ailments they themselves are inflicted with to an opponent, while Trace can copy a foe’s ability. It’s hidden ability, Telepathy, allows them to read minds and anticipate incoming attacks.
Penny: Gardevoir also has a fairly beefy Special Attack stat, with Special Defense and Speed not being too far behind. The stats pale in comparison to it’s natural powers, though. According to the Pokédex, all Gardevoir possess at least light precognition, being capable of seeing glimpses of the future. They are also capable of using their psychic powers to warp space, distorting dimensions and even creating BLACK HOLES. Which, by the way, don’t affect them. Gardevoir are capable of freeing themselves from any gravitational pull when needed.
Rotom: BLACK HOLES?! BUHJESUS! Pokédex, are you SURE about that? How would the planet still be intact in time for that entry to get recorded?!
Penny: The solution is relatively simple, actually. As Gardevoir have strong enough psychic powers to withstand their own gravitational pull, it’s possible they use psychokinesis to simply remove the mass that feeds the black hole, causing it to collapse in on itself. If there’s not enough mass within the black hole to sustain it, it’ll simply collapse - that’s the reason scientists here on Earth are making miniature black holes even now.
Dope: Excuse me while I prepare my emergency bunker.
Penny: That isn’t gonna stop a black hole y’know
Gamma: Gardevoir has a wide variety of status moves it can use to turn the tide of battle. Misty Terrain prevents any and all non-volatile status conditions from taking effect, Confusion included. Speaking of, Confusion has a chance of inflicting Confusion-
Rotom: What
Gamma: Confusion the move and Confusion the status effect. Teleport allows Gardevoir to, well, teleport, Wish is a move that takes two turns to heal a large amount of damage, Calm Mind sharply raises Special Attack and Special Defense through concentration, Hypnosis puts the foe to sleep, Charm sharply lowers the foe's Attack and Lucky Chant prevents critical hits from taking effect. One of its strongest techniques, however, is Imprison, which stops the opponent from using any moves shared with the user. Through breeding, it can also learn Disable, which shuts down one of the opponent’s moves for a certain amount of time.
Penny: Just to clarify for those new to the series, in calculating the victor for this show, we go with the natural Pokémon at their maximum potential. This means no TMs, Move Tutor moves, Mega Evolutions or Held Items the Pokémon can’t naturally have. Moves learned through breeding ARE allowed, however, as breeding is something that naturally happens in the Pokémon world.
Dope: The status moves are only half of Gardevoir’s arsenal! Disarming Voice and Magical Leaf are both powerful attacks guaranteed to hit, Draining Kiss steals the enemy’s life force to heal the user, and Psychic is a powerful psychokinetic attack with a chance of lowering the foe’s Special Defense. When Gardevoir decides to weaponize its foresight, however, that unleashes the powerful Future Sight, an attack that paints a full picture of what the opponent will do next and blasts them with energy after a certain time.
Gamma: Dream Eater consumes the dreams of a sleeping Pokémon, turning it into health. Stored Power is a massive blast that uses the status buffs of the Pokémon as fuel to boost its offense. And then there’s the all-powerful Moonblast, the ultimate fairy-type attack that also has a high chance of lowering Special Attack. Through breeding, it’s also capable of learning the priority move Shadow Sneak that assaults the foe from the shadows, and Synchronize-
Rotom: It learns its own ability??
Gamma: Synchronize the move and Synchronize the ability. Synchronize the move deals incredible damage to all Pokémon of the same type.
Penny: In Pokémon Mystery Dungeon, Gardevoir is capable of learning a variety of skills, such as PP Saver, Self-Curer, Gap Prober, Sharpshooter, Hit-and-Runner, Multitalent, All-Terrain Hiker, Stair Sensor and No-Charger. In Pokémon Ranger, it’s capable of splitting itself into two identical clones, as well as launching balls of energy able to temporarily paralyse the opponent. Temporarily meaning a few seconds.
Rotom: In the Pokémon Anime, Diantha’s Gardevoir was fast enough to effortlessly dodge attacks from an Absol and deal with it in a single hit. It can also keep up with Ash’s Greninja, who is capable of moving faster than eyesight. This means Gardevoir is capable of reacting at speeds of over thirty-eight thousand miles per hour! ...wait, do we have more on Gardevoir in the anime? I thought there’d be more.
Penny: Thanks to doctorgecko on Reddit, we do! An indirect hit from Moonblast was enough to send Greninja flying into a tree by the shockwave alone. Sadly, Gardevoir got very little showing in the anime compared to Mega Gardevoir, who we can’t cover here.
Gamma: Only a short look into the r/respectthreads that doctorgecko has made and I already hold respect for the guy.
Dope: If there’s any Pokémon to respect, I’d say the one capable of making black holes to protect you is a pretty good choice. No, I’m not dropping that.
Gardevoir: You must clear the path to your own future!
Dope: Imagine a world where dreams come to life. A world where all Pokémon can live in peace and harmony. They called this place: PokéPark.
Rotom: Ugh. I HATE this place. You win the game by making friends! That’s so dumb!
Gamma: Hey, I did a playthrough of this game once!
Dope: S H U S H! I’m doing my bio. Anyway, once there was a Pikachu, the same Pikachu who befriended the Mythical Pokémon Mew, wanted to visit a fabled wonderland called Wish Park.
Gamma: But Wish Park wasn’t what it seemed, and Pikachu, along with his friend Piplup, almost died. Hell, Piplup got left behind in their escape!
Dope: But what caused them to suddenly become afraid of it? A ton of shady Pokémon. One which was the loyal servant of Darkrai, Gothitelle.
(Battle! Rare Wild Pokémon - Pokémon Black and Pokémon White)
Rotom: Man, she really puts the black and white into the names of these games. Just look at her!
Dope: It’s actually black and purple.
Gamma: And they have a 25% chance of being male.
Rotom: Whatever. Can we get to the moves?
Dope: Sure. Tickle lowers the opponent’s Attack and Defense, Play Nice and Charm lowers their Attack, Fake Tears lowers their Special Defense, Embargo and Magic Room to keep the opponent from using a held item, Flatter to confuse them but raise their Special Attack, Heal Block to stop them from healing, and Telekinesis to make the target easier to hit.
Rotom: And after that, they can use physical attacks like Pound, Double Slap, and Feint Attack, but she specializes in Psychic-Type attacks.
Gamma: These attacks are Confusion, Psybeam, Psyshock, Future Sight, which does damage for the future, and Psychic.
Rotom: ...that’s it? She’s a Psychic-Type and she doesn’t even use offensive moves that much?
Dope: Well, that’s because Gothitelle isn’t a very Attack-savvy Pokémon. Its Attack stat is only 55.
Rotom: A goth Pokémon that isn’t offensive?! What sorcery is this?!
(Driftveil City - Pokémon Black and Pokémon White)
Gamma: But what she lacks in that category she makes up for in every other. She can predict the future from the patterns of the stars, and she can predict the lifespan of humans. She ends up crying after that, however.
Rotom: Can’t let that makeup run.
Dope: And some Gothitelle carry a Persim Berry around, allowing her to recover from confusion at any time.
Gamma: Gothitelle’s psychic powers are out of this world. When she gets mad, she can just...send people back to the past, or trap them in her memories. It’s like entering a black hole!
Penny: According to The Lost World of Gothitelle!, Gothitelle sent Ash, Iris, and Cilan back to when Skyarrow Bridge was still under construction. Skyarrow Bridge is similar to the Brooklyn Bridge, which fits since Castelia City (what the Skyarrow Bridge leads to) is based off of New York. It took 14 years to build the Brooklyn Bridge, and by the looks of the episode, the Skyarrow Bridge was about halfway done, which means Gothitelle is confirmed to be able to send people at least 7 years into the past.
Rotom: Damn! I wish I could do that!
Dope: In that same episode, it beat Ash in a battle. Though that isn’t a huge feat, since Ash’s Unova team was his weakest.
Gamma: Though it defeated Ash’s Snivy, which defeated Gothitelle’s pre-evolution, Gothita, but again, that isn’t a huge feat, since Snivy has lost many other battles.
Rotom: Mostly for being a cocky bastard. I hate Ash’s Snivy.
Dope: And, Gothitelle has a few weaknesses. Like all Psychic-Type Pokémon, she’s weak to Bug-, Ghost-, and Dark-Type attacks. And like all goths, she’s very weak to mental breakdowns. And she was also beaten by a Pikachu. A Pikachu that beat Zekrom and Reshiram, but a Pikachu nonetheless. And maybe an Oshawott, a Tepig, and a Snivy.
Rotom: But don’t worry. Gothitelle is definitely a diamond in the rough of goths.
Pokédex: It can see the future from the movement of the stars. When it learns its Trainer's life span, it cries in sadness.
Dope: Alright, the combatants are set.
Gamma: We’ve set the stage, completed the analysis and run the data through all possibilities!
Rotom: IT’S TIME FOR A DEATH BATTLEEEEEEEEE!
Penny: ...do you scream like that all the time?
A quiet day in Lumiose City. Trainers were having some battles in the streets, Pokémon were exploring and scavenging, and people were socializing and eating. One such trainer, Ruby, was walking through town with a Gardevoir happily trailing behind it.
Penny: Side-note - Ruby’s appearance here DOES NOT affect the battle! Gardevoir is still being treated as a wild Pokémon here, the trainer is only there for the sake of the narrative.
As the pair walked, the Gardevoir happily whistling, they passed by a Gothitelle.
“That trainer will be put into mortal peril in seven months.”
Upon hearing those words, Gardevoir and Ruby suddenly whirled around. “What?” Gardevoir blinked, her psychic powers allowing Ruby to hear her.
Gothitelle, however, kept walking.
Until a sign post blocked her path. “EXPLAIN.”
“It is as I foretold.” Gothitelle replied in a deadpan tone. “Seven months, and your precious trainer will be put in harm’s way. A crisis from another world will catch him in the middle. If none act… he WILL die.”
Gardevoir narrowed its eyes. “That’s not going to happen.”
“Is that so?”
Suddenly, Gardevoir was sent into the air with a Psybeam, flying across the street.
“Then let’s test your will against the will of fate.” Gothitelle said, floating into the air as Gardevoir regained her balance.
Rotom: Been a while since we’ve done this!
FIGHT!
(Magikarp Festival - Pokkén Tournament)
Gothitelle used Mean Look to keep Gardevoir from fleeing. “Your fate has been sealed.”
Gardevoir used Shadow Sneak, which launched Gothitelle back. “I wouldn’t get so cocky.”
Gothitelle got up. “You little…!” Her eyes sparkled, using Future Sight. Then she rushed up to Gardevoir and used Double Slap, which Gardevoir barely dodged. She then followed up with a Shadow Ball, but Gothitelle used Mirror Coat in the nick of time, causing Gardevoir herself to get hit, knocking her into a wall. She got up, but there seemed to be...particles of energy? They all rushed at Gardevoir, and she was hit by all of them. That was the Future Sight taking its course.
Then Gothitelle used Psyshock, which hit Gardevoir. But Gardevoir was still standing. She used Wish and Calm Mind, which should get her back on top. In the meantime, Gothitelle used Psybeam again. But this time, Gardevoir wasn’t knocked back at all. She tanked it.
Gardevoir was healed. “And now we’re back to square one,” she said.
Gothitelle was angry now. She used Telekinesis, locking Gardevoir in place. “You’re right where I want you.” She smirked. She used Psyshock immediately, and now Gardevoir was enduring a ton of pain.
But then she used Wish again.
“You’re wasting your time!” Said Gothitelle, using Psybeam again.
Gardevoir dodged this time, using Imprison. Then, she used Magical Leaf.
Gothitelle was going to use Psybeam again, but it didn’t work. Then she realized, the Imprison was set up. “Ugh...you…!” She tried some other moves, but they were all useless. “I’ve had enough of you!” Cue dolly zoom.
And then, there was nothing but black.
Gardevoir was trapped in Gothitelle’s mind. “You are in my mind. Surrender now, or you will face a fate worse than total annihilation. When will you pitiful mortals learn...there’s no point in fighting a battle when you can just win immediately.”
But Gardevoir was doing...something. She had her eyes closed, and her hands were pressed together.
“What are you doing?”
Gardevoir’s eyes opened, and they were glowing pink.
Then they were back in Lumiose.
Gothitelle stepped back. “I-impossible! How?!” Gardevoir stared at Gothitelle dead in the eyes.
“Lesson learned.”
Suddenly, the very fabrication of matter started to bend, and eventually tore a hole in it. Gardevoir used Psychic, and forced her into the black hole.
“No...no...NOOOOO!” She yelled as she went tumbling into the room of darkness.
The black hole shut.
“My trainer is going nowhere.”
(Void Termina (Wing Phase) - Kirby Star Allies)
Rotom: GG! ...get it? Because both their names start with G?
Gamma: Ugh. If you ask me, getting sucked into a black hole IS a fate worse than total annihilation.
Dope: At least you turn into spaghetti. That’s something, right?
Gamma: Gothitelle was...well, an opponent worth fighting at best, total cannon fodder at worst.
Dope: Though Gothitelle was pounding Gardevoir into the ground at times, Gardevoir is just a MUCH more powerful Pokémon overall. She has more variety in her moveset, she has the better typing, so on and so forth.
Penny: Gardevoir had the edge in just about every category! Superior speed meant she could stay out of Gothitelle’s way more often than not, superior special attack meant her attacks hit harder, and superior special defense meant she could take the hits better. Gothitelle BARELY had better defense and HP, but in a battle like this, that didn’t matter much.
Gamma: Imprison in particular sealed the deal. Gardevoir and Gothitelle share a LOT of moves, so Gardevoir having Imprison meant she could shut down all of Gothitelle’s strongest techniques. What’s a Psychic-type without Psychic?
Rotom: But hold up. What about her sending Ash and friends to the past?
Penny: That was… kinda misleading of me, honestly. Gothitelle never SENT Ash and co. to the past. What actually happened was that Gothitelle created a large illusion, as demonstrated by her friend, now grown up, being able to reunite with her from within the dream.
Rotom: Gothitelle’s becoming more and more underwhelming the more you talk about her.
Dope: Black holes alone are much more powerful than anything Gothitelle can do, with how little we know about them and how destructive they can be.
Rotom: Gardevoir could’ve whipped one out anytime she wanted!
Dope: In a way, Gardevoir’s popularity helped her out in this fight. She’s appeared in more games, giving her more abilities and more things to work with.
Gamma: We can all agree this battle had a clear victor.
Rotom: Gothitelle couldn’t em-BRACE herself.
Dope: The winner is Gardevoir.
NEXT TIME ON DEATH BATTLE!
(The Calm - Team Fortress 2)
Gallade and his trainer, Diamond, were walking by what seemed to be an abandoned street. A piece of paper drifted by. Curious by what it would be in a town devoid of life, he picked it up.
WANTED
BISHARP
REWARD: ₽50000
Well, this town was old. Who knew how old that thing was? They definitely got caught by now.
Or maybe, it’s what caused everyone to leave.
Suddenly, Diamond disappeared, and a small whoosh was heard. Gallade turned around, but nothing was there. He turned around again, and there was a Bisharp, and a horde of Pawniard right behind it.
Gallade’s arms turned to blades, and the same went for Bisharp.
A deadweed drifted by. Both combatants were tense, waiting for one to make a move.
En garde.
