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Terrater Canon: Patience - Part One

by Dwayna DragonFire

Dwayna DragonFire A direct sequel to my piece of fiction Archangel. This details the thoughts and actions of a gay man conflicted with how he has been handling things as of late after being attacked in a night club. #summercamp2015
A flight of mating to ones potential death... Why was that so much more acceptable to him than just doing the deed? Alexander Eileas-DragonFire pondered it over and over in his head as he laid in the hospital bed opposite his equally injured husband that they brought back from the brink of death. Husband, he mused to himself in wonder and awe of it all. He had completed the ritual of dragon flight to be bound and mated to the literal angel that slept peacefully within view.

The question pressed against his mind harder as he admired the other man's features. Ethan Torke - now undoubtedly a DragonFire himself due to their marriage - was nothing bad to look at, being an angel and all, and he had saved Alex from danger... but it was the danger that still seemed to lurk within the dark recesses of the dragonkins mind. He had wished for cold to be gone from his heart and soul, and that man that had touched him with that spell in the club that night made it all come back, drove nightmares into his mind of his own misfortunes that would have come if Ethan hadn't been there.

But how could he think such a beautiful creature would ever harm him in any way? Alex had clearly felt that Ethan wanted him in some sense a few of times when they were just resting together during the last month, but Ethan had given him space every time, always respectful of how the dragonkin human had felt throughout. Why even then did I choose this path? Alex thought to himself, searching himself for answers but finding himself afraid to confront the truth...

The nightmares had been cruel enough, making Alex endure all kinds of abuse... but some nights, he saw Ethan's face in the place of the villain that had really hurt him. No matter how many times he rationalized that the angel would never do that to him, it still happened occasionally. It made him hurt all over again, to know that he would let such things get to him so much that his own soulmate was becoming part of the problem, and was feeling some of the repercussions.

Yet... Ethan was kind, he was understanding, and most of all he was patient. Alex was a dragonkin, so they were connected in many ways other than just their souls and life-force, including sometimes being able to see into each others thoughts. This meant that the angel had inevitably seen into his dreams... and yet, Ethan said nothing of it, merely providing comfort, a loving caress, a kiss... Gods, what did I ever do to deserve this? Alex thought to himself, a happy smile on his face whenever those actions occurred, which was quite frequently.

Maybe that was part of the problem, in the end. That Alex felt he didn't deserve such happiness for all that he had done in his life. Back on his Earthrealm, the different governments tended to rule in subversive matters, each trying to take the other out as subtly as possible... which meant that spies were in high demand, and to become a representative of ones government was highly sought. The people that called himself his parents only wanted him for one thing: so that he could be their perfect little soldier, make his country proud whilst numbing his emotions.... and that was exactly what Alex had done when he was of age, because he felt that he didn't have any other choice. He knew that those people cared nothing but for their legacy through him, so he signed up with the corporation and got his uniform.

The pressure and stress of it hit the breaking point finally when he was sent to kill someone, and he obeyed. That was the first time he truly felt cold, like a piece of his soul had broken off and left only ice in its wake. It got even worse when he realized that he only felt attracted to other men, which was considered extremely taboo. He was meant to continue the legacy, to contribute his good, patriotic genes onto the next generation of soldier... he was in a prison without walls, for it was his own skin.

It was around that time that the strange woman appeared... the elven paladin that was far older than she looked, wanting information about his world and offering sanctuary and freedom to those who wanted it. Crazy and foolish to follow strange creatures, he had thought at the time, almost disbelieving that she was real if it weren't for the other eye-witnesses. But the small fragment of emotion left after all his killing told him that it was his only chance to be happy again, so he went with her through the portal.

A Goddess appeared before him, telling him of her world full of magic and that she needed to give him some in order to survive. It was his choice what to pick... deep down, what he really wanted was a family that loved him, but the only thing he could think about was the coldness he felt in his entire being, the one that seemed to consume his every emotion.

“I... want to take the cold in me and use it for good,” he responded, immediately feeling his eyes fill with tears for the first time in ages. “I want to help others that need it, and give them hope when they feel they are cold too.” The Goddess seemed to admire this in him, but also saw into his heart of hearts, the one that wanted a family. She gave him a power that killed two birds with one stone; she made Alex into a dragonkin that was related to Dwayna herself, and gave him the Aspect of Water, which he could manipulate into solid, icy form. Such also appeared to make my hair turn naturally blue, he thought.

The Queen of Terrater saw his relation to her, and being quite a bit younger than Dwayna, she adopted Alex as a son. He found his emotions blossoming out from beneath his cold interior each time he helped a person in need as the Prince of Terrater, each time he reached out and gave his helping hand and didn't need to manipulate or kill anyone to cause them their own sort of happiness.

But it wasn't to last, it seemed... sometimes he still needed to defend himself and others by using his skills in battle against more evil entities. In that sense, he may have felt a little more justified, but no less regretful of taking lives... For the greater good, he reminded himself constantly, and then he decided he needed a break, a breather... and he couldn't even have that, because that night was when he was attacked, almost killed by negative energy piercing his body and making him feel cold again.

Ethan helped to cure him, but at the time the sensation of knowing a soulmate must have been dulled... otherwise he would have known before their fateful kiss, before he descended into the madness that was the month before, where he burned to mate with Ethan one way or the other and did nothing until it was the last minute, and even then they ended up injured enough that his angel nearly died, and he himself was in a hospital bed, recovering from scrapes and bruises that he refused to have healed from magic this time around. It felt very invasive and foreign against his being, and all he wanted to feel in his soul right now was the presence of his very literal angel.

Alex painfully pulled on his own power of healing, a bit of Spirit magic mixed with his Water aspect to pump fresh water through his system and energize the body. He felt a lot better for it, but ultimately tired... it was never easy pulling on magic outside of one's element, as dragonkin usually focused on the one they were born with or given. An idle hand swiped gently over the silver diamond that was permanently tattooed on his lower neck, a constant reminder that he was no longer entirely human, that he could call up ice at a simple thought to do so and a bit of a pull from the energy within.

Sleep consumed him, and the nightmares returned... but there was something else there now, a press of another consciousness against his that wasn't there before. It felt like home; sent electric tingles through his entire body, and when Ethan appeared that time, it didn't turn into the angel hurting Alex... the scene changed into the other man sitting before him, hands folded in the angels lap.

“I did not know these dreams consumed you so,” said Ethan, looking terribly concerned against the dreamscape of his mind as the darkness was pushed away to become edges seeping only slightly over their nice scene. “You never mentioned that this is what you saw, that I had become the monster in some of these scenarios.” The human bowed his head low before the angel, looking shamed and fearful, worry threatening to make that darkness overtake him again.

“They're dreams,” Alex replied, sighing heavily as he wiped his eyes. “They're not supposed to effect me so much, but they do... I suspect as much as I may have been healed, some of that darkness still lingers within me, threatening to take me over with stress and anxiety my entire life until I die of a heart-attack... because according to the deities of this universe, I can't exactly die of old age anymore, so that's a more legitimate concern in the long run.”

“Just because they're dreams doesn't mean they can't effect us.” Ethan smiled to him, the warmth of it enhanced through this dream they seemed to be sharing. “Our bodies are a bit broken right now, but we're sharing a very real conversation through our dreams... so why is it that your nightmares are any less legitimate? Fear is a real emotion that takes time to overcome, and these situations that alter the very /souls/ of beings like you can tend to take their toll. I do not blame you for being afraid.”

Fear. That seemed to make a lot of sense, that his fear was only enhancing the aftereffects of that dark magic, and it self-perpetuated in a cycle of nightmares that made him even more fearful. It was an infinite loop, one that would make him all the more unhealthy in the long run... the trick now was to overcome that fear, to see it as nothing or at least very little in the scheme of things. Alex was taught to suppress his emotions before, but all that seemed to do was just bottle it up inside for him... how was he supposed to deal with something when he was never taught how? There was really only one person he was willing to turn to, other than his adoptive mother...

The angel seemed to have a knowing look on his face anyways, and moved toward the human slowly... Even if it was just a dream, feeling Ethan touch him on the shoulder was like an electric spark shooting down his spine. Suddenly, lips touched his forehead, the angel close to Alex and looking to him with an expression he had never hoped to see... Pure adoration, understanding, and forgiveness... the human felt a sob escape his throat despite himself, moving to be encompassed by the warmth of Ethan's body...

But the warmth seemed to be more than just in the dream at the moment, which caused the image to flow out of his head and for him to return to reality. The real Ethan had gotten out of bed, now awake and slightly healed of his wounds, and those large arms had wrapped around Alex; a loose hug because even now, the angel was still respecting his boundaries. It was enough to make the human reach out to take the other man's hand in his own, merely holding it there, and perhaps a little more tightly than he intended to. Ethan didn't seem to mind... through the pain, the angel gave Alex that same warm smile.

“I'll be here for you no matter what,” Ethan whispered. “No matter how long it takes, I want you to know that you can trust me completely.” To stay true to the dream, the angel leant over to kiss the humans forehead, a warm and loving press against his skin. Alex felt himself moving of his own accord, reaching a heavy hand up to pull the angel down, his face moving upwards with purpose.

The kiss was indescribable, the stream of emotions poured into it equally so. Alex showed Ethan his love for the other man through it, holding the angel close and only parting for air. It was deeper than ever before, a new boundary passed between them, but Alex felt it was well-deserved and long since due... they had just nearly fallen to their deaths together, after all.

When the human pulled away, he looked to the angels face, studying it. Ethan was clearly genuinely happy, the contours of his mouth writing the joy into the skin around it. Alex brought the angel's head down again, but now it was just to press their foreheads together for a little bit. It was an oddly comforting feeling, knowing he could feel the angel not only physically, but mentally as well, their connection throbbing in the spaces in between. Alex decided he was happy, too.

“You shouldn't be out of bed,” said a feminine voice, to which the two men separated only slightly. There was a humanoid being covered in scales, a draconic maw and a purple, circular gem at her throat betraying her species immediately. She was a true Spirit Dragon, just in her more human form, usually used for interacting with others that were smaller or also humanoid. The healer - named Arcaniss - particularly glared at Ethan, unabashed as she always was. “This is all very sappy and charming, and technically helping your spirits heal, but it's not going to do much for your bodies. You need rest.”

“Ah,” remarked Ethan, looking somewhat amused by that as he bowed his head. “Well, I should trust the word of my doctor, of course.” Before he left, he pressed another kiss to Alex's forehead, and slowly moved back to the other side of the room to lay in his own bed. Arcaniss' stern eyes softened slightly at that, and she huffed as she turned her energies towards the angel in particular.

Her soulgem glowed a bright purple, and white energy seemed to wisp out from her fingertips to wash over the angel's body. There was a certain shock that ran through Alex's system at that, the urgent feeling of someone is touching my mate as a weight against his mind. But he was in the same room watching it happen, so though the feeling was there, it was dulled. Ethan looked a lot better after it was over, his cuts all but erased, but he had fallen back to sleep... and then the dragon lady turned to Alex.

“I am sorry,” she said, raising her hands towards the human. “But this is necessary.” No... that was the only thought Alex had before the energy burst from her hands and into him. The feeling of her magic rolled over him like a wave of power, the feeling of it obviously supposed to be soothing... but it was the opposite, the feeling of it being not Ethan pressing against Alex like a heavy weight, making him feel queasy and ill on the inside. Even though his husband was now sleeping, it was almost as if he could feel the angel's eyes glaring at the draconic woman for him as he couldn't, he was helpless, falling into the edges of darkness again before it suddenly stopped.

“Your body is healed,” said Arcaniss, her expression looking more than apologetic. “But I see that my healing you further will only damage your soul in its vulnerable state. I shall leave you to the capable hands of your mate when he awakens. My... apologies, your Highness.” She bowed her head to him and walked away, leaving Alex to feel cold and perhaps a little bit bitter... In his opinion, she needed to learn better bedside manner, but he knew she would never change.

Tiredness tugged at his mind, but he knew that if he slept again, that feeling he was given from Arcaniss would just lend him more nightmares. Instead, Alex chose to focus on the sleeping, peaceful form of his husband just across from him. Ethan was born of a different realm, where angels and demons both existed in some form, but lived on different planets and often fought with each other. It had taken the angel a wile to get used to Terrater, where they accepted angels and demons alike and asked all citizens to be kind to one another. It must have been difficult to just be okay with people that the angel had been fighting for practically his entire life, but that was another testament to the angels patience. Ethan always told him the story that the angels and demons were actually just made by two brothers, how the brothers had decided to stay apart because their children were fighting... and how upon discovering such information, Ethan flipped out. It was always difficult to believe.

What was even more difficult to believe at the moment was that Alex felt himself slipping into sleep again, even despite his efforts to remain in the waking world. Looking at his husband must have put him into a more calmed state than before, because he finally found the solace of a dreamless sleep... or at least, when he woke up again several hours later, he didn't remember having a dream at all. He woke up feeling refreshed, but still a bit icky from the previous invasion of energies on his soul.

Alex got up slowly, and immediately felt like crap for doing so. Just how long have I been laying in that hospital bed? He wondered, picking up his communications device – basically a phone, but more advanced technology, including holograms. The date read as two days later than he remembered, at which he let out an exasperated sigh... their wounds had been bad enough to warrant them staying for two days? That was somewhat daunting to think about... and why had he not seen his mother at all during that time? Perhaps she was busy, like queens of entire planets usually were.

But as he looked at his communications device a bit longer, he noted a missed message laying there for him, addressed from his Mother. My dearest son, it read. You've both usually been asleep when I've stopped by, so I thought to leave you a message. I understand if you'll be out for a couple of days, but please do tell me when you wake up. I'd like to know that you're alright, even if Arcaniss assures me that you'll be fine. You know me, I tend to worry... Much love, Mom.

The dragonkin smiled warmly at that, feeling a little bit misty-eyed yet again. It was little things like that that told him how much of a real parent Dwayna was being to him, rather than how he was actually treated as a child by his biological family. I'm awake now, Mom, he sent back, typing away on the built-in keyboard. I didn't very much like the feeling of being healed, but a little bit more rest made me feel refreshed. Ethan is still sleeping, but I think he'll be awake soon... Either way, you can feel free to visit... maybe bring some food if you can, I'm pretty hungry and hospital food sucks. His stomach growled as the proof of such a statement. I'll see you soon either way. Love, Alex.

He pressed send and closed the device for the moment, and swung his feet over the edge of the bed. He slowly stood himself up, shuffling over to the chair directly beside the slumbering Ethan, looking at his angel up close. Short locks of blond hair that Alex felt himself wanting to run a hand through, so he reached up to do just that. The hair was soft and straight, easily flowing through the gaps in his fingers as he gently carded his hand over the other mans head. In a way, comforting the angel felt just as comforting for the human, so he continued to do it until he saw Ethan's glowing blue eyes opening up.

“Good morning to you, too,” mumbled the angel with a small smile, which caused Alex to chuckle softly. “I see you're feeling a lot better, despite Arcaniss having to heal you.” The smile soon fell from Alex's face. So Ethan had tuned into that moment of discomfort... the human looked a bit sheepish, removing the hand from Ethan's hair to brush it through his own a little bit. Getting used to being basically telepathically linked to somebody was going to be really hard to deal with...

“Yeah... I'm okay,” Alex replied, though he heaved a bit of a sigh as he reached for Ethan's hand again, and the angel gently took it. “Thanks mostly to you, of course, though Arcaniss did help with the physical healing at least. You're not better yet though? I would've thought...”

“Just because I'm an angel doesn't mean I'm going to heal faster than you are,” Ethan replied, again making it feel like he was reading Alex's mind. “I took more damage than you did when we crashed back down to the ground... besides, you have better ability to heal yourself anyways, being a Spirit dragon. All I have... well, I'm basically Thor, but no hammer.” That caused Alex to raise his eyebrows.

“You know who Thor is?” he asked, bewildered. He of course already knew that Ethan's specific race of angels had the ability to control lightning and electricity in many ways, but the fact that the angel would know of something from human culture astonished him. “Just how long have you been on Terrater for you to know something so specific as that?” Ethan seemed to chuckle at that a bit, giving Alex another one of those warm smiles that just seemed to melt the humans heart.

“About five years, give or take a few months,” said the angel, looking to the human with a more serious expression. “A little bit longer than you've been here, right?” Alex nodded in reply, surprised at this information. The human had only been on Terrater for about a year and a half at that point, and he had already fallen in love and gotten married to his soulmate... what were the chances of that? Pretty high, if his mother was to be believed... Fate and destiny seemed to be driving forces in draconic culture, influencing everything surrounding those that shared even a subtle trait with the creatures.

“I suppose that would have given you the time to learn a lot about human culture,” Alex replied, though he looked to Ethan with somewhat sad eyes. “I just realized that in the time that I've known you and been dating you, I actually know very little about you... in fact, I was terribly quiet for that last month that we had to go through together, knowing we were burning for each other... Gods, Ethan, how the hell do you put up with me, let alone want to stay with me?” The angel cupped a hand under the humans chin, gently pulling Alex forward until they lightly kissed again.

“Because I love you,” said the angel, everything in his face looking sincere as he said it. “I didn't realize that two men could love each other like this at first, but when I met you and saw you that night, it all became clear to me. I felt even then that you were meant for me, and not just because the resident seer told me so. The way you talked and held yourself... always a ray of sunshine even despite your past... It's inspiring, and it is thoroughly the person that I'd want to be my mate even if we weren't destined to be together. I am just... insurmountably lucky and over joyed that is the case, that Fate decided that somewhere down the line, we would meet and love each other.”

The speech appeared to be the thing that finally broke the dam of tears Alex hadn't realized he was holding back. It started as a soft sob, and then the water started falling from his eyes as he hugged Ethan tightly, forgetting for a moment that the other man was laying in a hospital bed. The feeling of arms wrapping around him in return despite that merely enhanced the feelings that he was having at that particular moment, the raw need for comfort evident in his very being. What was it that his mother always told him? Crying is like puking for the soul, she had told him, and this moment seemed to be evidence of the fact. He let all of the things he had bottled up into those sobs, his comfort in that moment being the angel's arms gently rubbing themselves against his back, soothing him.

When all was said and done, he gently wiped his face with a nearby cloth, feeling the apology almost form on his lips as he noted the large wet spot on Ethan's robe from his tears. The angel rose some fingers to gently press them against Alex's mouth, as if sensing the mans desire to apologize and refusing such a thing. It was terribly like the angel to immediately forgive the human of all of his transgressions, no matter how terrible they actually were or felt to Alex.

A soft knock on the door came, and the human feared that it would be Arcaniss yet again... but the smiling face of his mother appeared instead, making him relieved and ultimately happier to know that she had come so soon after he had sent the message. He felt himself moving towards her for another hug despite himself, which was welcomed with open armed and a slightly concerned gaze. Ultimately though, Alex knew that she of all people would understand the hardship he had gone through.

“Not quite so fine as you lead me to believe, I see,” said Dwayna, though she didn't look angry. She had the look of a mother who was sad that she couldn't help her child, which left Alex to feel ashamed again... The woman was much older than we was, and had experienced not only her parents dying at the hand of a nefarious relative trying to steal the throne, but she had also almost died herself in a war that nearly consumed all of Terrater with it if it hadn't been for the help of the Androids, a race of robotic beings that had been allied with the DragonFire family for several millennia.

“Sorry, Mom,” he replied, refusing to meet her eyes. “I just... felt like I didn't want to worry you too much with my problems, especially because you've been through far worse things in your lifetime. It would just seem... kinda trivial compared to all the shit that happened to you, to be honest.” Dwayna looked understanding, but also put a comforting hand on his shoulder, as if to tell him it was okay.

“Your feelings will always matter to me,” she assured him, and gave a small smile to Ethan over his shoulder as well before turning her attention back to Alex fully. “You're my son. I know it seems like my hardships are more than yours are, but to me they are events that happened in the past. What matters is what is happening to you right here, right now... those other memories can crash and burn for all I care, because what matters to me more is your mental health.”

Alex felt the weight come off of his shoulders a bit, especially with Ethan in the room as well. So, with both of his new family members in his presence, Alex finally felt comfortable to talk about it all... how after the man from the club attacked him, he blacked out and started having nightmares about what that individual would do to him, how he would be tortured again and again, in different ways each time. How his dreams seemed to hate him, because even when he was healed up from the damage to his soul, the nightmares sometimes had Ethan as the horrible man, doing awful things to him that the real Ethan would never do. Alex didn't cry through the entire description... he was all out of tears for the day.

“... I see,” said Dwayna, when he had finally stopped talking, her face filled with understanding. “It's never easy to deal with such things happening to you... and Arcaniss was really not helping in the long run to violate your space like that. You know that I also have the power of Spirit at my fingertips... do you think getting that sort of healing from me would make it any different?” Alex had to ponder that question for a moment, but ultimately he nodded. She was the only other person he would trust to have their soul energies rubbing up against each other and interacting, after all.

His mother laid her hand on his shoulder, and he felt the sensation of her wash over him the same way that Arcaniss' energy had... but this time it was filled with the motherly love that only Dwayna could have for him. It didn't bother Alex nearly as much, the edges of darkness only making him flinch a couple of times through the entire process... Instead of the ill feeling he had received earlier, he felt a lot more refreshed of his spirit as well as his body, and Dwayna smiled to him warmly.

“Thank you,” he found himself saying, able to smile a little bit more genuinely. She just shook her head, patting him on the shoulder again to say that it was no problem at all, because that was the person she was. She looked to Ethan again, and it appeared that the angel had fallen back to sleep in the process, which caused Dwayna to chuckles softly and smile to Alex again.

“It seems that was soothing for more than just yourself,” she remarked, sighing softly as she went back towards the door. “I'll be back to visit again later... you should watch over your new mate anyways.” she excused herself out of the room with a wave that Alex returned before looking to his slumbering angel. In the quiet of the room, he moved to gently hold the other mans hand again, a smile written into the skin around his mouth. Love you too, you big sap... he thought, simply watching the angel sleep.
  1. Psycho Monkey
    Psycho Monkey
    So much feels Milday! So much feels! I look forward to reading part 2 when you're ready to post it. :)
    Aug 25, 2015
    Dwayna DragonFire likes this.