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The N00b Song: A Cautionary Tale

by StellarWind Elsydeon

StellarWind Elsydeon The tale of a particularly moronic n00b, set to the tune of Flanders and Swann's Hippopotamus Song.
A bold little n00blet was standing one day
On the doorstep of ol' Pokécharms
He gazed at the forum, gazed blankly away
And made posts at a rate that alarms

Away at the staff room, reports came in droves
Of this little new spammer's post-spree
With armblades extended, Stel Elsydeon descended
And into this n00b's ear he skree'd...

Grow, grow, grow a damn brain
N00b, your stupidity drives me insane
So get to rule-reading
Or else you'll be bleeding...
And pray, never post such dumb drivel again!

A warning was given, the n00b ran away
Knowing not what the heck he did wrong.
As he hadn't read the rules when he first came this way
And descriptions of boards? They're too long!
He gave them a read, but did not understand
For his neurons were not quite evolved
The rules disregarded, the SPAM flew unguarded
And again, the admins got involved...

Grow, grow, grow a damn brain...

More warnings were added, the n00b came to find
That he couldn't make new posts at all
I wonder what went through his minuscule mind
As inevitably he did fall.
He posted a whine where he ranted and bitched
in a smiley-ful eyesore-y thread
And then, in a flash, came the final blade-slash
And the n00b said goodbye to his head...

Banned, banned, epically banned
It tested their patience, and out it did run
So follow the rules,
Use your brains - don't be fools...
And you wouldn't need worry about being banned!
  1. RenzFlintrock
    This is... accurate. Very much so... nice job on this, I don’t think I could have come up with a song this good. Do you have a favorite tune to sing it to as you slash away at the N00bs?
    Sep 10, 2019
    EeviumZ likes this.
  2. E.K.A.N.S.
    This scares the freaking shit out of me
    Aug 5, 2018
  3. Skippidypowpow
    Me: So relatable to someone I knew... *cough DarkTrainerMark cough cough*

    Stel, you remember that n00b named DarkTrainerMark at all?
    Sep 20, 2017
  4. WolfyPop
    Dakota: Is this song on Ebay? <.>
    Dec 21, 2016
    *that* guy likes this.
  5. StellarWind Elsydeon
    StellarWind Elsydeon
    I doubt it, this song was written at least two instances of 'charms ago! XD
    Dec 6, 2016
  6. DaCharblezorbTrainer
    Umm, I think this is about me. (It is a joke!)
    Dec 5, 2016
  7. The AnimeFreak
    The AnimeFreak
    Nice one. Although I like the other noob song which goes like this:
    Living life in the life of a noob, I rarely used my gun.
    Living life in the life of a noob, I'm always on the run!
    I just got this game yesterday so I don't know where to go can you tell me bro?
    And I will stop for now. Although, this song is much better. :up:
    Mar 31, 2016
  8. SparkyLewis949
    Yeah... I'm going to go memorize the rules now...
    Mar 24, 2015
    RenzFlintrock likes this.
  9. Jhan Garc
    Jhan Garc
    I actually sang it (who didn't?)
    Jul 21, 2014
    RenzFlintrock and WolfyPop like this.